I am a mother and proud to be one, however, this was not always so. Just like the women, who wrote the following articles: Introduction: The Reproduction of Mothering, Why Women Mother, Anger and Tenderness, and the Scared Calling. I experienced similar emotions and events throughout my pregnancy. At first, I was excited when I discovered that I was pregnant again with my son, but was afraid of the outcome. Will this pregnancy end up being another miscarriage or would I die during the birthing process? I have already experienced the tragedy of undergoing two miscarriages, so the first part of my question was a lingering factor throughout this pregnancy. Therefore, I made sure I followed the doctor’s instructions to the letter: created a stress free environment, stayed away from any harmful chemicals, took my prenatal vitamins, exercise, and ate healthier. I was determined to keep myself healthy and fit to carry this precious little angel safely during his nine months cycle of development.

On May 17, 2007, I gave birth to a healthy 6 pounds and 9-ounce baby boy at Tallahassee Memorial Hospital. Yes, I went through the delivery and labor process with fear for not knowing what to expect. No one prepared me mentally what I was about to undergo. Thinking back, I think every pregnancy is different for every woman. Let me be the first person in thanking God for: the improvements to our modern medicines, knowledgeable midwives, doctors and nurses because my labor went very smoothly with minimum pain compare to my own mother’s experience.

Within the first two months after I arrived home with my son, I started to feel the same raging emotions described in Anger and Tenderness: fear, hatred, isolation and helplessness with my son, especially during my feeble attempts at breastfeeding. Even though breastfeeding is a natural process between mothers and babies, it requires much practice with most new mothers like me. I gave up that practice very quickly when my son stopped breathing when I tried to breastfeed him. Luckily, he did not die from my inadequate attempts at breastfeeding. At this point in my life, I am uncertain if I will ever try breastfeeding in the future, but when I do I will make sure I am highly educated and super confident with breastfeeding techniques and positions for the next child.

I also experienced those rare moments when I am waiting impatiently for my husband to come home from work, so I could have a few moments to myself while he entertained our son. From my own experience, first time dads are practically useless when taking care of a newborn. My own husband was literally running around our apartment as if his head was cut off, when my mother went back home after a two weeks visit. Advice for all new expecting mothers: be sure to have a support system or team in place before you bring your newborn home, because you will need all the help you can get while adjusting into your new role as a mother. For the next 18 years at least, your life is no longer your own.

After those two initial months, I started enjoying motherhood and being around my son. In fact, my son’s health and happiness is my number one priority and purpose in life. It is all about the next generation, so it is my duty as a mother to nurture, provide, educate, and protect my son from all types of dangers to ensure his future. Again, I am a mother and I am proud to be one.