It has often been cited that living in smaller, rural communities provides an atmosphere for small town gossiping. Additionally, this can also be stated for any other city area and or location; however, this article is specifically on the topic of the author’s thoughts on small town gossiping. Consequently, having lived in small, rural communities, I have often witnessed many confabulators who often focused on other people lifestyles comparing to their own. Essentially, having experienced the “nosey neighbor” to personal family members who probably spend their eight-hour shift being the neighborhood watch. I am from both an Italian and South East Asian background and speaking of both of my experiences growing up in both of these households, I have to conclusively state the obvious. The obvious is my sister-in-law who would be able to in ascending order of the homes on the street, begin to unravel the entire history of each neighbor from one end of the one-way street to the other end.   

A basic history lesson say for today, would include who didn’t pay their mortgage to who was having an affair, to whose child has issues with marijuana and or hanging with the bad crowd or who was having a baby out of wedlock. Even the term “wedlock” appeared to be an ancient term from the outdated dictionary of gossipers. I recall one year jesting that we should start the “neighborhood watch newsletter” edition or the “neighborhood gossipers club”; you can join but one criteria we ask is that you have to be nosey parker. Therefore, instead of assisting the police in reporting crimes as what a regular “neighborhood watch” was developed for, we would be “the watch” for narrating the stories of each household on the block.

Notwithstanding that gossip in some forms can be funny and hilarious at the same time, it some cases it can be malicious, untruthful and hurtful to someone’s character or family. Especially, if it becomes disturbing to the overall environment where children are the ones who suffer the consequences. There are many personal encounters I have had with individuals from my rural small town that become preoccupied with another neighbor who no longer has the need to socialize with the gossipers. As such the community ladies of gossip would see her as anti-social. The woman’s only crime is that she found other interesting things to do and is becoming a lot more productive with her spare time. Therefore, instead of peering through attic windows to see whom Harriet is dating in her old age or Guido the Italian man who just lost his wife who he is seeing someone, then maybe there is more to life than being a “nosey parker.” However, the community ladies of gossip feel they are betrayed beyond belief and as such, make every effort to make sure their feelings don’t go unheard. The war of the gossipers and so it begins, by preventing their children to participate and or attend any social functions such as birthdays of the woman’s children. No pool parties and or barbecues for them at the community fair and should they show their ugly faces, it’s obvious where they will be sitting.  

Much of what has been discussed in this article constitutes both a personal account of small town gossip and the very mind-set that reinforces this behavioral expression. Humans seek to belong to groups of things and as such people will gravitate when they appear to be others similar to them and have the similar belief systems. There is a need for us to gain sustenance and be apart of something that is bigger than us and for some, this is the biggest they have ever experienced in a sense of belonging. 

Another factor that contributes to this behavioral expression of gossiping is close proximity. When there is a mid-size group of individuals living in a close proximity with each other, there is a tendency to seek that camaraderie, to be accepted and to follow the group, doing what everyone else does. Thus, should you somehow deviate from that “norm” you will reap the consequences as the woman I spoke of earlier did.

Furthermore, the social media has also played a role with reinforcing the world of gossipers. The endless sitcoms and other television shows, which continue to portray the nosey neighbor and the ones who continue to get into trouble, for not having sufficient information when making that judgment call.

In sum, my personal thoughts on the subject is that I try not to indulge and tolerate gossipers and should I find myself making that judgment on someone, I remove myself from the situation. I believe people who do gossip often have nothing significant to focus on and are unproductive in many ways. Therefore, they tend to displace their own inadequacies and distract from their dismal existence. The above statement is abrasive but in the world we currently inhabit, we should be focusing on how to resolve some of the other dilemmas that continue to plague society. One such example would be guns and gangs that continue to inhabit our communities, continued youth violence but not “who is having a baby out of wedlock or whose spouse is having an affair, who is on drugs or what this person wears what and become judgmental of someone elses’ life choices. I have always believed that if the majority of people think positive thoughts about them and others, what positive things they would in turn attract and receive in their lives.

Hence, there is no need to intentionally indulge in confabulating about our communities of neighbors. We need to focus on how to be better individuals personally and strive not to concern ourselves with other people’s circumstances. At the end of the day, we should be able to look at ourselves and smile instead of being miserable. On a more personal note, I have gossiped in the past until someone did it to me. Now, I have to say I make every effort to treat people the way I want to be treated and it starts with practicing what you preach.