Are there new rules or just forgotten rules? As we evolve as a society some rules remain constant and one of them is common courtesy. Yet everyday there are examples of this simple act being forgotten: A man texting as he walks out of a clothing store and doesn’t hold the door for the woman going in who is pushing a baby carriage; a person trying to merge onto a highway and only receives honking horns instead of cars moving over to let them enter; going to a seminar or restaurant and hearing peoples iphones/blackberries/cell phones ringing their “chosen” tunes and some audaciously answering them. Obviously the list can go on but the point has been made.

Recently on vacation I noticed a family of four sitting together on the top deck of a ferry. The top deck is open and looks out onto a beautiful tranquil view of the sound. They were together on the bench but were miles apart mentally as they used their various cell phones to connect with others more important to them. The two teenage girls were rapidly texting. The Father was speaking on the cell phone and the Mother was just sitting quietly looking out at the water. Is one of the new rules to disconnect? Granted being a teenager is tough for some. Telephone lines were busy 3 hours a night or more with the past generations of teenagers but once you left the house with your parents you had to be with your parents. Being with your parents meant listening and talking with them even if you wanted to be elsewhere. There were no escape hatches into cyberspace. Lessons were learned because you had to face reality.

Parenting is not easy especially when the rules are being taught. What is easy is to let the kids just tune out by playing video games, listening to MP3 players, using the computer or watching DVD’s in the SUV. The aggravation and stress of teaching the children rules over and over again until they start getting them is alleviated thus creating a whole new set of rules. What messages are being sent by the parents to these children? Rules are taught by example and repetition. Adults see other people acting a certain way so why shouldn’t they be entitled to act that way too? Here are some of the new rules being seen by our society today: it is OK to tune people out; it is OK not to want to deal with a problem; it is OK to talk during meetings when the speaker is talking; it is OK not to worry about dressing appropriately; it is OK just to wear sweat pants every where you go including out to dinner and church; it is OK not to be held accountable for your actions; it is OK to spend more than you make; it is OK not to think; it is OK to only think of yourself and how you feel because dealing with problems just isn’t fun; it is OK to hurry up and get married because you can always get a divorce if it doesn’t work out. If history repeats itself where are we in history? Hopefully, the pendulum will start swinging the other way.

Remember the rule of sending a thank you note to someone that has given you something or was hospitable to you? There are people and companies that still practice this etiquette. Remember going to the supermarket and the clerk actually looking at you instead of slyly texting? There are companies that will stand there ground and not allow this type of behavior to continue or the employee will be fired. There are companies that exist that believe their best advertising are their raving fans and raving fans can only come from superior customer service practices. Thankfully there are people that still believe in the old rules and are teaching their children to become respectable adults. Etiquette, decorum and propriety do matter.

How one dresses is a reflection of how one feels about themselves. Going to shop in your pajamas just isn’t OK. Walking into the local coffee cafe looking like a star trek character with the blue tooth on your ear speaking to the space in front of you doesn’t look fashionable it looks like you don’t know how to be with yourself and to think. This isn’t multitasking. It’s you trying to fill up your down time. It’s you ignoring everything around you including people. Silence is not scary. It enables you to think and perhaps solve a problem that you don’t want to face. How many opportunities are missed because we are not aware of what is around us because we are busy filling the void?

Next time you are out in public look around at what people are doing and how they look. If you make eye contact with someone don’t be afraid, it’s OK. That’s how people used to interact. It’s OK to say Hello or smile. The person might look at you like you have three heads but maybe you will be saving some of the old rules by setting an example of politeness or kindness. Remember sweat pants are to sweat in which most people wearing them need to do since the sweat pants are deceiving them into thinking they are comfortable when if they wore nice clothes they wouldn’t be able to breathe or eat that extra large super meal. The new rule is for you to be comfortable at all costs. Unfortunately that cost is costing our society greatly.