Somehow, feminism has different connotations within different circles of people. Depending on a situation, being called a feminist can be a compliment or an insult. Feminism is never a neutral word - it always evokes a strong reaction from one of the two opposite ends of the emotion spectrum. This is probably due to this diverse gamut of possible reactions that women receive when they declare their feminist beliefs that many of them fall under one of the two categories: attitudinal feminist or behavioral feminist.

Behavioral feminist is a pretty straight-forward classification. The actions of a behavioral feminist speak for themselves, as the woman that falls in this category talks the talk and walks the walk. She is in every way, an exemplary female in that she leads by her own actions, by participating in active feminist groups, by accepting the responsibilities and challenges of the modern society and by striving to change the double standards that are still prevalent in many aspects of the every day life when it comes to standard male and female gender roles and stereotypes. This is a woman on a mission, dedicated to helping other women to seize the chance of developing their capabilities to their fullest potential, speaking out against discrimination against women. She is not even afraid to take an insult or two on occasion to stand up for her cause.

A lot of women, however, fall into the latter category. They label themselves as feminists, agreeing that all women are as capable and able to perform on as high of a level as their male counterparts. But when it comes to situational episodes where they come face-to-face with doing what is easy and standing up for their rights, they often choose to take an easy way out and go with what society dictates to be a path of least resistance. This is not because they are bad people or because they are lying to themselves when they claim to be feminists. This simply makes them situational or attitudinal feminists. They are the women who choose to proclaim their stance on gender roles only when the situation is non-threatening or non-confrontational.

Behavioral traits that are considered to be feminine are empathy, gentleness, an ability to exhibit protective motherly tendencies and sensitivity. These are the qualities that modern society, no matter how progressive it considers itself to be, still rarely associates with a dominant, masculine man. Even though the common feminine traits often depend on location and context, it is safe to say that most straight men in most societies would be offended if the first adjective to describe them was “sensitive” or “in touch with his feelings”. In many ways, through no fault of their own, the modern men have been conditioned by generations of predecessors to value the qualities that are considered masculine and exhibit the traditionally feminine characteristics sporadically and with caution.

The masculine roles are often the ones that are spoken of in the highest of regards. Courage, sensibility, stability, assertiveness are all characteristics that are not only considered to be traditionally masculine but are also viewed with caution when they come to be associated with a female. Being both a compliment and a threat, these traditionally-masculine characteristics are entities that a woman cannot have too much of and can only exhibit on occasion, as a rare sign of gender defiance.

Attitudinal feminists do not consider it a faux pas to give into the feminine gender roles, when it is convenient. In many ways, it is easier to selectively choose which gender roles to give into and which ones to denounce. Going on a date and having a cab door opened for a woman, for example, can be considered a stereotypically old-fashioned routine, but many women, even those who consider themselves to be staunch feminists, still feel that men should behave themselves in this way. Not because this is the duty of men to do these things, but because society at large dictates that such behavior is what constitutes proper etiquette.

But what is etiquette but hundreds of years of branding human behavior into appropriate and inappropriate, feminine and masculine. Example-setting behavior often stems from power play and in dating and in many social situations dictated by the rules of the etiquette, women can see themselves are being stripped of power.

There is nothing wrong with being courted or chased. There is nothing wrong with women who consider themselves to be feminists in every sense of the word to still give into the traditional male and female roles or feel flattered when a guy pays the bill on a first date. It is, however, hypocritical to publicly denounce every gender stereotype as archaic and then participate in gender role-setting situations. It is wrong to be an outspoken feminist only when it is convenient and to suddenly revert to a damsel in distress when it comes the time to split the bill on a date or fix a broken window in a house.

Attitudinal and behavioral feminists differ because one category is, quite simply, harder to belong to. The delicate balance of feminism lies in the balancing act of aspiring to be a behavioral feminist and choosing to behave in a way that does not compromise the feminist values.